Gatherings 2.0: What Have We Learned in the Past Year?

After a year of rather lonely singular dinners, we’re finally easing back into dinner party mode, and I couldn’t be happier. But what have we learned over the past year, and how will those dinners that we organize change? People by and large are yearning to get together again, but a year of cooking at home alone has given us the time to think about those affairs and how to make the most of them. I vote for more simplicity.  I’m writing this following a weekend reunion with my children and grandchildren, whom I have not seen together in more than a year.

Story time

The meal was a reason to gather everyone together at the dinner table. Of course, we had to eat, but the meal also was an opportunity to share love and history, and this one was filled with both. I get to tell stories about growing up and the foods that I ate and how life was pretty different back then. I still remember a comment by my son, then in his late 30s: “Dad, I’m hearing stories that I never knew about before.”

The cowboy beans I served for dinner that evening let to my stories about my pony and how we once herded about a hundred beef calves from the rail yard in our local town out to our farm. I was about 10 years old. The journey was only a little over two miles, but it also involved herding the cattle over a major highway on horseback. We were successful, but it was a long day, and we never did it again.

Those young calves began their time with us in open fields where they could graze during the day. My job in the evenings involved saddling my pony to search over the half mile of fields and herd them back to an area near the barn where they were fed oats, and where the water-filled stock tank was located. The only problem is that my pony was smart. Once within range of the oats, she began a gallop while sucking in her stomach so that the saddle slipped. I usually ended up on the ground as the saddle shifted down her side to her belly. That discussion led to a full and animated discussion around the table about how everyone had learned to drive, combined with lots of laughs and shared experiences. Turns out my grandchildren love these stories, too, and these meals are great times to share them.

Favorite foods

As for the meal itself, Mrs. Farmboy prepared her usual spicy red pepper dip that’s a favorite of our son-in-law, and thus a staple. The main meal was a brisket smoked in my outdoor wood smoker for about 10 hours, accompanied by cowboy beans and pineapple slaw.

That menu, like many we’ve created over the years, points to the care involved in planning for guests: not necessarily for show, but something they’ll enjoy. Food that’s seasonal, locally sourced, with good color and variety and maybe even with a theme. But several times, I found that I’m in the kitchen cooking while the guests and Mrs. Farmboy are in another room with the appetizers.  In the future, I suspect I’ll spend more care in preparation and planning so that I can join them. I also think that our planning will take all that into account so that our meals will allow good food along with good conversation.

The language of sharing

When we invite others to dinner, we’re communicating in a language of food sharing, unlocking memories and telling others a little bit about ourselves. Part of creating those menus involves thinking about what we’re serving, how it relates to others, what they’ve enjoyed in the past, what’s new that they might like now, how the kids’ tastes might have changed, and what the weather will be on the day of the gathering. And what will we be communicating about ourselves?

The food that we share with others is mostly just a catalyst to enhance an encounter with the others with whom we share this life. Measuring the success of those times should not be so much about what we ate but rather about what we shared and how long that conversation continued into our memories. That’s what I remember of the best dinners of the past. How about you? Will you be doing anything different in the future, and what might that be?

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